So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
