Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
