I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
