I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
