Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
babies were throwing up all over the place
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
