hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
