Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There's always time for handjobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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