I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize