Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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