um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
