Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
People in love make me want to vomit
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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