Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
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And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
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I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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