It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
