we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
