This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
