u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
