this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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