i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
