dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
