wanna go halves on a baby?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
