8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
