All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i will never coherently bang her
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
