someone owes me an orgasm
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
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so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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