One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
