okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
