At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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