I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
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