I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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