Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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