this boner is exhausting
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
