i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
