So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
