chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Randomize
