Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
