im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
