Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
