Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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