My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
