He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
