just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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