There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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