I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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