Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
