somebody snuck up and got me drunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
