if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Randomize
