another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
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We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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