My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
