I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
