i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
