I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
