When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
