If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
