Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
