I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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