If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
