My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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