She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
