Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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