It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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