Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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