i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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