shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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