Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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