just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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