careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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