she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
