oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
