Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
