How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
