You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize