Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
