LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
