Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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