And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
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Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
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sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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