Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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