Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
kristin has been a bad kristin
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
