Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
