My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
