shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize