how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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