i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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