why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
